Inside Casey's Mind

Journeying

2010-11-02T09:16:00.003-05:00

Life is a journey and it is challenging. I wish things were easy to understand. Life is difficult much of the time. I wrestle with knowing God intimately and with knowing exactly what He wants me to be doing for Him. I want to see where God is working and get involved with Him instead of asking Him to help me with the things I am doing. I know these facts but it is still hard to live it. I want to be what God wants me to be and I want to be where God wants me to be. Next, making parenting decisions are hard as well. There are questions in my parenting life like should I teach Santa Claus, is allowing my children to trick or treat good or bad, what is the best way to disciple my own children in the Lord? How do I know my children's college funds will actually produce enough money for them to go to college? Should I worry about retirement as a minister or do I trust God to take care of me? I do not know the answers to these questions. I seem to always have more questions than I do answers. I feel like only God can Lead Me to answers. Lord, lead me so that I can lead the ones you have entrusted in my leadership!

Weekend Recap

2010-10-25T10:04:00.002-05:00

This weekend was a crazy one if not one of the craziest in the history of time. My daughter Makenna has been not sleeping very well at all this past week and she began running fever on Thursday. Sarah takes off of work on Friday and takes her to the doctor. The doctor did not seem to be able to define the problem right away. So we left questioning ok, what do we do now. Friday night makenna seemed to wake up every hour crying and upset but she would not drink anything. Saturday was a day of sleeping and trying to rest because Sarah, Makenna and myself were so tired from the lack of sleep friday night. One good thing about Friday night was that we went and got Sushi from the Chinese buffet and it was incredible and the Rangers won the ALCS. OH wait that's two things, anyways! Saturday night was our church's Fall Festival, which it was kind of raining and lighting so it did not turn out like it typically has the past couple of years. It was all inside our church's gym and Makenna sleep through the entire thing and Kailey did not want to play with anything but the jump house. She did it once and then wanted to do it again, so we are standing in line to do it a second time when the blowers shutoff on it and the whole thing collasped on all the childern inside it. They were so scared but we got them all out and did not let kailey go the second time. At the end of the night I took a group of the students to a Hell House, a church putting on a scary story in order to share the gospel at the end. It was interesting but good. Afterwards we all went to El Chico, which is a restaurant I do not like but I like students so I went. We had some amazing conversations during the time we ate. They were asking questions about other religions and why we do the things we do. It was an awesome time as a Youth minister to be able to explain things to them. Saturday night went better with Makenna. Sunday morning Sarah felt sooo sick she could not go to church, nor the kids. Sunday afternoon I started feeling sick. Sleep it off and NOW it's Monday.
I hope this week will bring God Glory(not that the weekend didn't)!

Fall Time

2010-09-07T10:50:00.002-05:00

I am pumped about the fall season. There are so many things to enjoy during the fall season of the year. The weather begins to cool down some in Texas. Football season begins which is very exciting in many ways. The colors of fall begin to set in and things turn so beautiful. Labor Day Weekend was a good weekend with my family. Saturday morning I was able to play some golf with my dad. Even though the course is not a professional one nor is it very hard, I played well. I birdied 3 holes and pared several others. We had a good time away playing games and hanging out. I am feeling a lot better about my job because things are underway for the fall. Discipleship classes have begun and seem to be doing well. All of the students are back at school so things have slowed down some. I am beginning to think future now for winter, spring, and summer ministries. What will be beneficial? What impacts students spiritually? What impacts anyone spiritually? I desire to concentrate on my own spiritual journey this fall. Desire to memorize more scripture. To seek God's direction for the future. Share thoughts for any or all of these questions. OUT!

I just want an updated blog

2010-07-26T21:53:00.003-05:00

I get so mad or upset when I go to read people's blogs and they have not updated anything in like months. I usually think to myself, "Why do they even have a blog?" and then today I was looking at my blog seeing that I had not updated in quite a while and realized I was becoming one of "those". So when I tried to login I could not even remember my password. I had to reset it and now I am back to updating again. Life is very full. I am working on a big youth trip that we go on every year. This year the place we usually stay for free is not avaliable and the adults that always go are not going so it has been difficult. My family is changing on a daily basis it seems. We think Kailey is almost potty trained one day and then the next she'll go in her underwear all day. Makenna is smiling and cooing becoming her own personality. Sarah and I are working out again trying to live healthy even though it is extremely hard. I just wanna eat M&Ms and hamburgers and burritos and drink Dr Peppers & Sweet Tea instead of water. I nightly give someone other than myself a bath, I typically dress at least one person other than myself sometimes two other people of the other gender as well. Change at least a couple of diapers(which isn't that many compared to Sarah) but still LIFE IS ALL ABOUT CHANGE!!! It is very fun but very different. I am working on the discipleship ministry for this fall at our church. I am working at getting all the technology at the church working and functioning correctly and keeping it on campus instead of letting 11 year olds steal it. I am also trying to schedule a church wide Sunday School training day for the Fall sometime. The church finances aren't terible nut not great either. We are 24,000 behind budget right now and continually spending more. It's high spending time right now too. On top of all that I really was hired to be the Student Minister and so I do try to keep that successful and reaching and discipling the students in our area. We seems to be shrinking rather than growing. I would like to special order 4 or 5 adults that care more about the students than about teaching a lesson. Love is abounding in my life but so is responsibility and requirements. Life is a balance act and it often feels we are walking on a tight rope. Very little room to make a wrong step. I know this is my life and I enjoy it. Jesus, lead me so that I can lead others to pursue You!

Coming up

2010-05-09T15:56:00.002-05:00

Today was really good at IBC, lots of issues but everything worked itself out. Next week the students are responsible for leading the morning service. It is called Youth Sunday. I am looking forward the students at our church sharing, singing, leading out in various ways. It is also going to be a busy Sunday because we are going to recognizing our graduates. I will be hosting a celebration breakfast for them during the bible study time which is before church. It is always a mile marker for me seeing students move on and for new students to enter into the group. I am a little sad to see them leave but I am also hopeful for their future. 2 1/2 weeks till baby Williams!

New Post

2010-04-08T14:06:00.002-05:00

Our family has had quite a busy few weeks going and doing and learning. On March 14 began Spring Break week for us in Temple, Texas. I planned for the student ministry to lead a missions week for our our city rather than take a trip somewhere. We ministered to a trailer park community right down the road from our church. We had a wonderful week with them and hope that we will be able to return to visit with them soon. That next Sunday, March 21 began a revival at our church. Our church met every night from Sunday to Thursday, Saturday, and then Sunday through Wednesday. God taught Sarah and I a lot through these meetings with Him. We are seeking Him more together and as parents. To be honest I do not know how to parent any children, much less children that God has entrusted to me. We learned to parent our children to be obedient to Him first and us second which means we teach them that being obedient to God's standard is the most important aspect of their life. He created them, us, the world, and He calls all of us to love Him and live for Him. Too many parents want their children to be obedient to them because they said so and thats good enough. The problem with that is that kind of obedience does nothing to drawn us closer to the heart of God. Once the children grow up and leave their home, they have no real desire to be obedient to the things of God and have a real intimate relationship with The One The Only GOD. I was also challenged to seek to listen to the Holy Spirit's guiding in my daily life. I also realized how lazy i had gotten with moral purity. Moral purity is not even thinking thoughts that if you had to say them outloud to someone it would make you shameful. Sarah and I ended the revival very encouraged to seek God through praying together regularly, having a daily time in the Bible, and we also renewed our marriage vows. This week has been a week trying to rest and get back into a routine again. This weekend Sarah, a youth workers, a few students and myself are going to the Youth Ministry Lab at SWBTS. I am looking forward to going to a Youth Ministry Conference with my wife. I have never done that before. TO TOP everything off Sarah has about 40 days until our 2nd daughter will be born into the world and it is about that long before my busiest time of the year begins with my work as a Youth Minister. Love ya peace to you and please pray for me and my family as we press on with life and strive to be dilligent with everything God has called us to.

I AM HUNGRY!

2010-03-07T14:10:00.002-06:00

I am hungry to see God's Holy Fire blaze all over my world. I wanna see Him in my family, in our church, in student's lives, in parent's lives. I know our generation is a bunch of people who seem to care less whether they ever meet with God or not. They care more about winning a game or being the best at this than they do about God using them and changing them in this life. I saw today that Perry Noble(the pastor of NewSpring Church in SC) has been preaching a message series entitled Practical Atheist. It is about how we call ourselves Christians yet the way we live does not demonstrate that to anyone. I am convicted and moved to do something but what. I will be praying God show me, my family, our Student Ministry volunteers and parents, and our church that we place so much more importance on other things than we do on God and being with God's people. Hungry to see God move in my midst!

Suffering in Mind

2010-02-09T10:36:00.002-06:00

I am convicted often of how often I complain about my situations and circumstances. I wonder why I do this when I know that people all around the world are suffering hardships because they claim the name of Christ. I saw a facebook post this morning that read, "Ruin my life the plans that I've made- wow He has done a great job of that in my life." I cannot say that but on the other hand I am not sure I want to be able to say that. If I am honest, I am not sure I want God to wreck my life and the plans that I've made. I am selfish and it is so hard not to be. I like my life comfortable and maybe even wealthy. Living a life that is committed to Christ is not about that though. How do we live in this world but not allow this world to live in us? The world says if you want it then go get it. If you desire it, then chase after it until you have it and usually it doesn't matter what "it" is. "It" might be a woman, a man, a job, wealth, a large house, a family, dream job, happiness, and success. If we want something, does that mean we should chase after it until we have it? Our motivators in life many times are not Godly or Christlike. There is something deep down inside me that desires for my plans to be wrecked by God because they are selfish and because they make more of me than they do of God. I have been called by God to be a Christ follower and to be minister of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. My life must be an arrow pointing to Him and His Love for Mankind. I wish I could say that this is what my life illustrates but most of the time I think that if someone really observed my life they would see me sitting in the driver seat of my life directing it to where I want it to go. As hard as it is to say this, I know I need to say this, I must say this, I do say, "Lord, Ruin my life the plans that I've made, Ruin desires for my own selfish gain, destroy the idols that have taken Your place Till it's You alone I live for!" We do not choose suffering over comfort enough in this country. Any thoughts from any of you out there?

Changes are here

2010-01-11T22:13:00.002-06:00

Well lots of new changes have started since this year started. Things are off and going and I am enjoying them so far. I am ready to meet some new interns to help with the student ministry. Our students need some extra excitement that can hopefully come from some new leadership. On different notes, our heater went out some time during the night but thankfully a business was able to fix it today so that our heater works again. We also decided to change Kailey's bed into a toddler bed tonight. She went to sleep really well and is doing good so far. We will see how the morning goes. I might be surprised sometime during the night when she is by my bed saying hi dada. I am working to loose weight again but I am not as disciplined as I need to be. It moves up and down but basically is locked around the same weight even though it is not the weight that I want. Hope life is well for you and your family. Let us pursue Godliness together!!!

Merry Christmas

2009-12-17T15:50:00.004-06:00

Hey Everyone,

I hope you have a great celebration of Christmas this year with your family and friends. I always think of Christmas as so busy and full of hustle and bustle. I desire to slow my row and reflect on all the good and great things God has provided for me and done for me this year. I hope you will have a great time of reflection and family celebration as you celebrate Jesus Christ's birth to the world and salvation for all.

Great day

2009-11-23T13:52:00.002-06:00

Yesterday was a great day. I enjoyed a great morning with the students in sunday morning Fuel. I liked helping with our Extended Teaching Care during the service. I went to lunch with some great folks in the Young Married group. I then helped setup for our church wide Thanksgiving banquet. It was a great success and loved the food. Tear down and cleanup with smooth and quick, it was done before I knew it. Afterwards I went to work out where Eric and I ran 3.2 miles and walked some before and after it as well. We then went and benched some weight which I ended up maxing out at 240. I was very pleased with that amount of weight. We tried to do some crunches and loose some belly fat. Went home and went to sleep soon after. Like I said it was a great day that I enjoyed living. Looking forward to this week, THANKSGIVING!!!!!!!!!! Thanks Lord for my family, my friends, my church, my job, everything that you entrust to me, volunteers that work with me on a weekly basis, my home, my cars, but thanks most of all for salvation and for loving me and forgiving me every single day!

Attn Captured

2009-11-18T01:50:00.002-06:00

I have been wrestling with things much this fall. I am not sure why exactly but I believe much of it relates to my spiritual life being dry and without much growth. My personal time in the word and seeking to know God has been weak. Also the youth ministry I serve, seems to have lost much steam and direction. I wonder if there's a correlation? The answer seems to be Yes. Tonight I spent some time in the scriptures and feel a renewed at least at the current moment. Of course it is 2 am so I am not sure what I am feeling but I am tired of feeling like I am drained and alone in this thing. I want to see God's Glory displayed and His spirit move before me. I want to speak like Moses and say, "God, if you are not going to go with me then I am not moving." I want to live in God's spirit and power and display God's greatness to students and adults. I know God has called me and gifted me in ways but HOW DOES GOD WANT TO USE ME? I am not always certain of the answer to this question. I saw this video tonight that was encouraging, maybe it will talk to you in some way:

prayer

2009-11-04T23:25:00.001-06:00

I am tired and in need of lots of prayer.

Diary of a Desiring Youth Worker

2009-10-27T14:58:00.003-05:00

I desire to see God move so powerfully through our church and student ministry that people repent and move to share the gospel boldly. I am really disappointed in my leadership as a youth minister because I feel like I just can not lead the youth ministry I am currently serving to grow numerically by reaching nonChristians. I want to see students become Christ followers that live that out passionately not scared of others. We need adults who are passionate about seeing that as well. What we say and what we do is not always the same. I am praying that God would move in our midst and either move us or change us. I think that is the only option for something different among us, Come Holy Spirit in POWER!

working hard

2009-10-14T23:59:00.002-05:00

Sometimes working hard doesn't show itself for awhile. You wanna be in shape. You wanna loose weight but there are those times when you are working and working and it's just not happening. I think I am in that time right now. People keep saying, "man you have lost so much weight." Well I have lost a lot of weight compared to how bif I had gotten but I feel like I have so much more to loose. I need to be 20 or 30 pounds lighter to be totally healthy. My good friend(Eric) and I have been working out hard this week. we have been running for about 20 mins and then lifting weights to gain some strength. I really like this gym where we work out. It is called 24 hour Fitness and it is open obviously 24 hours a day but people are there running it 24/7. I have a keycard that I swipe and then go in, do whatever I want, and then go out the exit door. It is a very clean facility with all new workout equipment. I am enjoying working out again and being a lot more healthy than I was a year ago. I just wish my weight would drop like it did during the first six months of the year. Weight, GO DOWN! ok I guess it will now. talk again soon.

love it when it happens

2009-10-08T00:01:00.002-05:00

I really enjoyed today even though it wasn't the best day I have ever had. Nothing really awesome happened but don't you just love it when you can look back on your day and say, "today was a good day?" I do. I was really busy planning things for Wednesday nights ReFUEL with the student ministry and working on some other things. I was able to help my friends/coworkers with a project and I always like doing that. I was able to break some things and then fix some things. I lined up some folks to cook some food for the students on Wednesday nights which went really well. They love free food almost as much as I love when they come. Its just great when things come together for a great Wednesday night ReFuel, which it did. I planned to show a couple of videos throughout the night and they went well. I decided to let the Youth band practice without me supervising them because they work better when I get out of the way and let them figure things out. The lead worship very well tonight. I wish I had been recording them because I think it was really spirit-filled. Matt finished his 3 part message to the students tonight and that went really well. God gifts him to speak and he is so much better with words than i am. I really miss it though when I do not get to share my heart and message with our group. It is nice to have a break but I am also excited about our new series coming up in 2 weeks. The students love hanging out at the FLC and I am glad that they have so much fun there and enjoy being with God's church. My only desire is that more students would desire to join us for our exciting journey of life that we are doing together as Immanuel Baptist Student Ministry. Ministry has it's ups and it's downs; glad today it had it's ups!

article I read today

2009-09-21T15:22:00.003-05:00

How Close is God

By Jim Burns

The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; Do not be discouraged. Deuteronomy 31:8

How close is God? God is closer than your breath and closer than your skin. Philippians 4:5 tells us to never forget the nearness of your God. How much does he care for you? Scripture reminds us:

He knows our names (John 10:3).

He numbers the hairs on our head (Matthew 10:30).

He counts the steps of our feet (Job 14:16).

He bottles the tears from our eyes (Psalm 56:8, RSV).

He holds our right hand in His hand (Psalm 73:23).

He supplies all our needs (Philippians 4:19).

I think this is really good to be reminded, Williams OUT!

Man, ALIVE!!!

2009-09-20T15:55:00.002-05:00

I know it has been an eternity since I last blogged about anything, so I am here today to write about the things going with me lately.

The fall semester has gotten off to a fair start with the student ministry. It seems so many students are lackadaisical these days. They really are not passionate about anything but especially are not about church things. That is why I say that it has gotten off to a fair start. We have had some good moments with the middle schoolers and a few others inviting friends and bringing them to church. The weird thing though is that the 7th graders do not seem to really like or want to worship god through music. One person said they really don't like music or movies. I have been pondering how to get students worshipping God with passion and living their faith actively. It is a difficult thought to deal with because you cannot force people to do things and trying with food and games does not seem to be an effective youth ministry strategy in this day and time. what I truly believe makes the difference is when you have Godly loving adults who consistently pour their lives into the students in the student ministry. I think we lack that.

I am headed this Friday to Los Angeles, California to National Youth Workers Convention. I am hoping to have a time of training and revitalization. I need training in how to motivate adults to want to give up their time and routines and desires to spend time growing and maturing students to be fully devoted disciples of Jesus Christ. If anyone ever said that a Youth Ministers job is easy because all they have to do is play games with kids, those same people have no clue of what it means to develop a team approach to growing a student ministry that challenges and equips parents to teach their children Godliness and while also engaging students to want to be connected and involved in the ministry is created for them. Because you can do everything you want and desire but if they choose to not be involved, all that you have planned, organized, and carried out makes no difference to them.

I am definitely desiring more of God's presence in our church and student ministry because our adults, students, and myself need Him more than we need more of ourselves.

I would appreciate the outpouring of your prayers!

June...WOW!

2009-06-29T07:56:00.002-05:00

So I have not posted a blog the entire month of June. I am not sure if it has been that busy or if I have been that lazy. There has been a lot going on though, I started the month going to Sarah's family reunion on Sam Rayburn lake. I thought I was going to be able to do something out on the water but was disappointed when the boat broke. I took our students to Centrifuge Youth camp in Mississippi. It was a great week with them and I feel like many of them have deep desires to live for Christ but just have a hard time figuring out how to do that in real life situations. We had a great ride in a 48 pass charter bus. It was probably the best ride to camp i have ever had. We returned home on a Thursday, well Friday morning Sarah & I headed to houston to pick Kailey up and hang with her family. We had a great weekend with Pappasitos, shopping, swimming in her parent's pool, Fuddruckers, and I even got to swing by and visit my friend of 27 years. Last week was crazy getting back into the swing of things but I was not really allowed to. Monday flew by trying to getting business taken care of for the youth camp. Tuesday was Staff Adventure day and we went to a zoo. Wednesday I was preparing for Fiesta Theme Night and one of the staff's computer started malfunctioning with a virus. After two hours of trying to fix it, I called a professional but still had a hard time getting everything done. For the Fiesta Theme night I had ordered enchiladas from Jaliscos, I thought Jaliscos in Temple but when I got there and they did not have my order I realized that I had ordered them from Belton which was a bit farther. we got it done and moved on. Thursday Sarah wanted to get kaileys pictures made because she recently turned 18 months old. That was a full day of adventure. Friday was Schlitterbahn Day. I and another man named Eric took a group of students for the all day adventure of Schlitterbahn. We had a great time with them and got plenty of sun. Saturday was a day of rest and had a few friends over for a barBQ, that was def fun and enjoyable. Hope they had fun. Yesterday(Sunday) was a whip as well. We started off with ACs not working in several parts of our church including the youth room! HOT! We ended the day with IBC FAMILY ROADTRIPS which this sunday was the Summit. We were suppose to have rented the rockwall, the pool, and the tennis courts. Get there and they are like the rockwall is closed. I am like thats the whole reason we rented you out in the first place. But we all still had a great time playing tennis and swimming in the pool. Ended the day with a honey barbeque chicken strip sandwich from Whataburger, sarah's choice by the way. I got up this morning at 645 am and jogged 3 miles. It was somewhat difficult but I feel like if I keep it going I can continue to improve my running strength. I am looking forward to this weekend with my family. We have lots of fun things planned and I am hoping it will be a great time away. Thats my June for YA!

past weekend

2009-05-27T22:35:00.003-05:00

working out is so hard to continue to do. It is even harder to not fall lazily back into your old way of eating and living. I desire to continue to shred the weight and continue losing but at times it is really hard. pray for me because I am looking at a wall but I do not know how to maneuver over or around it. Had a good time this weekend with friends eating out, Genghis Grill, and pa rousing around, at rangers/astros game Saturday, and visiting friends in old town of sherman. Loved every second of every second. even got to eat at an old time fav restaurant, Tin Star. love you

my 8's

2009-05-20T09:41:00.002-05:00

8 things I am looking forward to
1. Centrifuge Youth Camp
2. Going out to dinner with Sarah and Matt and Erin and Marcus on Friday.
3. Visiting some friends on Memorial Day
4. Tomorrow (Thursday) my day off
5. weighing in at 199 (soon hopefully)
6. My surprise trip from Sarah
7. editing a video here in a little bit
8. Matt Dugan updating his blog

8 things I did yesterday
1. ate breakfast
2. made a video for church
3. watched the Lakers Game
4. went to dinner at Jaliscos
5. went walking/running for an hour
6. found out a friend is also going to the Astros game on Saturday
7. encouraged Sarah as she recovers
8. went grocery shopping

8 things I wish I could do
1. skydive
2. buy anything I wanted
3. see students leading other students to a faith in Jesus Christ
4. buy a new phone
5. play golf once a week
6. Eat whatever I want and still loose weight
7. fly to a different city once a month
8. be a more inspiring leader

8 shows I watch
1. ESPN
2. The Bounty Hunter
3. The Biggest Loser
4. Survivor
5. The Hills
6. The Fantasy Factor
7. House Hunters
8. Diners Drive-ins and Dives

8 people I tag
Sarah
Michelle
Eric
Matt
Erin
Kenya
David
Bobby Bones

Busyness

2009-05-03T20:47:00.002-05:00

Busyness and Apathy are definately of the devil. I believe that was the first thing the devil set out to create as the biggest distraction to God. God is so great and so good and so loving and so big and so awesome, but if we pay no attention to Him because we are so busy or lazy, either extreme, then we completely miss Him. Tonight some of the youth and I were watching "How Great is our God" tour teaching series by Loulie Giglio. He illustrated how big other stars and galaxies of stars are than the planet Earth, and how our God has created these large stars and planets, but can hold all created things in the palm of His hand. I am awed that God, the creator of the universe and all galaxies everwhere, desires for me to spend time with Him. I know I should. I know I want to, but do I consistently spend time with my Lord, NO. Why, you might wonder, because of either busyness or apathy. Either I busy myself with insignificant things in this world that matter to little or nothing or I am apathetic about my spiritual life and seem to do nothing. If God is so great then why don't I worship Him with every second of my life? With everything I say, with everything I do, with every place I go, with everything I look at, with everything I write? All I can say to that is I DUNNO! I was walking today by myself around the neighborhood and began thinking about this. I started saying to God, "I know you are real and that you are apart of my life but sometimes I need to hear from you. God I need to hear from you." Then I get to church and watch this video with the students and think to myself, "how foolish are you!" God has created a world of amazing things that demonstrate who He is and how great He is and I do not even take time to observe them. I do not even take time to listen to God talk to me through His creation. This morning in sunday morning study our topic was worship. We learned how we have fooled ourself into believing that worship takes place in a church building. The truth is worship does take place in a sanctuary but as 1 Corinthians 6:19&20 states, "your body is the temple of God...therefore honor God with your body." Worship takes places with you wherever you are. If that's at a church building, a mall, at a restaurant, or at a bar. God is worship when we worship Him, but unfortunately we usually become one of two previous mentioned states of being and skip on doing what we were created to do. My desire is to work on this, to be conscious of this and maybe I feeling of closeness to God will be different.

losing weight

2009-04-30T13:24:00.002-05:00

Sarah and I and a couple of friends have been challenging each other to loose weight since Jan 10 of this year. sarah and i have changed how we eat and we work out everyday or at least try to. We weigh in each month to see how much we have accomplished each month. I started this thing saying I just was ready to be smaller because I felt like I was getting to a scary size and weight. I was buying XXL shirts and sometimes having difficulty wearing dress shirts from department stores because they were not carrying a big enough size for me. I weighed in on Jan 10 at 274.4 pounds, which probably most people would not guess I weighed that much. I feel like I was on my way to 300 lbs if I did not change some things. So I did. I have not been drinking soft drinks, starbucks, sweet tea, or really anything but water for the most part. I have seriously cut portion sizes and typically eat healthy things. My diet consist of grapefruits, fiber one bars, sandwich & soups, and a healthy dinner. I probably drink 90 o. unces of water a day which is a lot of bathroom time. All this to say that these things are working. Middle of the morning today I weighed in at 225.0 lbs. Almost 50 lbs in 3 1/2 months. BUT. I have gotten to a place where I am scared now. I do not remember the last time I was smaller than 225 or so. Maybe my freshman year of high school I might have weighed 215-225, but I do not even remember for sure. I am not sure what I am going to look like being below 200 lbs. It sounds crazy to even talk about. I am scared that I will weigh that and still look at myself and think I am fatter than I want to be. I am scared that keeping myself that thin will beceome an obsession. I am scared that I will have lots of loose skin that I can not get rid of. Are these thoughts valid? Should they be considered? I do not know but as I continue to loose weight I continue to battle the inner struggles that kept me overweight and feeling like, "I am just a big guy." I just don't want to be the big guy in the room anymore. I want someone to look at me and say "hey little guy come over here" but I am still the guy called if they need something big or heavy moved because I am the big guy. These are my inner struggles currently as I strive to shred the fat & weight

Blogging

2009-04-26T13:49:00.003-05:00

I think for most of you that are reading this, you are a blogger yourself on your own little blog url, so you might relate to this. Do you ever blog away your thoughts with hopes that people are going to read your blog and then respond in some form, fashion, or avenue? I think I did not originally begin the blog to have people comment, but since blogging away my thoughts on random subjects I have enjoyed the two, TWO, comments that I have received. The other day I am looking over my recent blog wondering if I had received any comments since it was a post that asked for some response back, and I see there is the number 1 beside the comment portion of my blog. I get a little excited thinking this is going to be a good response to the question I asked. I was wrong! It was a comment saying that I had not included this person in "the blogs that I read" section. I was glad to have received a comment, especially from this wonderful friend. BUT it was just not the comment I was looking forward to reading. Maybe you, yourself have had this very same situtation happen to you. Maybe that is the common thing that happens in the blogging world, but I am not sure I like that part of the blogging world. People want to know but not always be known. That kinda reminds me of a good thought. That God wants us to know Him and to make Him known. i wish i was more like God, He is so Godly!!! well that's enough for now.

Encouraging Spiritual Growth

2009-04-22T22:49:00.003-05:00

I have realized that I do not have the power to make people grow spiritually with their relationship with God. I also know that I struggle with my own relationship with Him. The truth I know though is that God is real and without Him I would have nothing. I am not sure that others I know actually believe that. I truly believe people believe they would be alright if there was no such thing as the God of the Universe, the creator of all things everywhere. We live our lives with such oblivious ignorance to the fact that God desires a day by day moment by moment relationship with us, His creation. We think that swimming or fishing or basketball or cars or food or school or acceptance from others is more important than pleasing our heavenly Father. The devil is the father of all lies and he is here to steal, kill, and destroy. He steals our joy, he kills our worship with thoughts of other things, and he destroys our relationship with God by keeping us busy with unimportant things of life. I just do not understand how to motivate students, parents, or adults to pursue God whole-hearted with a zealous passion for Christ to be known, but to think of it and be truthful, I do not even know all the time myself. I realize all the time that I can not impress people to do things that they do not see me model for them. Godliness is desired because it is seen in others and portrayed by our Creator of the Universe. Thank you God for loving me in spite of my sinfulness and inability to do anything good without YOU. Turn my struggle into my strength for Your Glory and not my own.

Dang Good Day

2009-04-18T21:26:00.003-05:00

I call this a swell of a day not because it was the best day ever or the best day in a long while but just because of several factors. I woke up this morning and I was in the 220's, which on Jan 10 I was 274. Then I made my daughter some dang good pancakes, which I did not partake cause I wanted to stay in the 220's. I then ran the fastest 22 laps around our gym that I have ran in competition, which is still a slow time by some people's standards. I then was able to eat some lunch, rest a bit, and then after Kailey woke up, headed off for some shopping with the girls. I ended up getting a new shirt for $8 and might I say it was a size L, which again on Jan 10 I only fitted into a XXL. Next we made our way to Rosa's Tortilla Factory where I was able to celebrate a bit, which was very nice to be able to experience. I love me some chicken soft tacos, chips & queso, and refried beans with rice. Goodness it was GOOD! Lastly we made our way home, where we suited up in our workout attire and walked/ran a couple of miles. It was a Dang Good Day!!!

working out

2009-04-14T23:15:00.002-05:00

I discovered something today, even though I already knew it, if that is possible. Working out is usually difficult to do when no one wants to do it with you. I feel like every single person in the world, if stranded on an island for the rest of their by theirself, would not choose to workout. They might the first couple of days maybe even weeks but not longer than that. By the second week of working out by themself they would get bored and even consider what is the point of all this? I would dare to say there would not be a point. You really wouldn't want to live the rest of your life on a deserted island by yourself for the rest of your life. And suppose you did, would you really care whether you were skinny, overweight, or just right. There would not be anyone to compare yourself to. There would not be anyone who judged you or criticized you or thought less of you. But the truth is, if that is why you or I are working out, then we probably won't continue working out in our normal schedule of life in our regular cities of living. If we aren't working out and eating right for our own benefit and because we are Christ's temple, then we are probably doing it for the wrong reason anyways. You are always welcome to comment!

Learning Life

2009-04-13T17:17:00.005-05:00

It feels like I have to learn how to live life every single week.

I get to places in my life where I feel like I should have this understood by now. The simple truth is that I don't though. Every day I need to wake up and say, "Lord, will You show me how to live today appropriate for today?"

When life gets to the point where you think you have it figured out, it changes on you. You think you are starting to get the hang of this routine and then BAM, things change. I was reading someone else's thoughts earlier today and they were talking about how God likes to interupt our lives when we get comfortable because when we get comfortable we feel like we are in control. How can I wake up every single day and tell God that if He doesn't direct my paths today then I will be an utter failure. For that matter, if God is not LORD of our lives we are completely and totally desolate. Do you agree or disagree?